Country of Leaders

We used to be a country of leaders. We are now a country of people who want to be leaders. - Nick Smith (looking at every single candidate on the ballot )

The Electric Leaf Blower

The Wife: ...how do I make it plug?
Nick: ..........

A day in the life

So Nick what did you do for work today?
Looked at 1000 models and their online portfolios to find some booth babes for comic con.

How was it?
Pretty good

Whats her name?

‎-Nick comes home from a long day -
- The baby sitter is sitting in the living room -
- she hasnt been paid -
Babysitter: Hey your wife didnt leave me a check like you said she would.
Nick: No worries ill take care of it.

Babysitter: Thanks
- Babysitter stands in the hall with her stuff waiting to leave while I look for checks in the office, which takes me 5 minutes -
- I started writing the check....Name...."I have no clue what her name is"...guess ill just leave it blank and she can fill it in. -
-Hands check to baby sitter all filled out except for her name-
Babysitter: Thanks
Nick: Anytime

Salsa

- The wife is making salsa - (Note: She cut off the tip of her finger a  few years ago, cutting a tomato)
Wife: Nick. I cut myself again.
Nick: Tomatoes?
Wife: Yes.
Nick: Is it bad?
Wife: No. Its just a nick.
Nick: Instead of a "wife"?
Wife: Yeah.
- 5 seconds later-
Wife: oh. Funny.

High Fives

- Nick and Wife high five. the Wifes hand is hurting. -
Wife: "oooowww"
Nick: "do you want me to make the pain go away?"
Wife: "No, you are just going to slap me somewhere else."
- Nick and Wife laugh -
Nick: "I was!!"
- Nick and Wife continue to laugh -

Security Door

Security door prices: 400 -2000
  - Nick to clerk -
Nick: "How much extra security does 1600 dollars get me?"
Clerk: "These ones look nicer."
Nick to Wife: "400 it is."

We got Weird

After the Weird Al Concert at the Orange County Fair
Nick: I cant believe to 10-year-old's next to me didn't sing at all.
Wife: I think you intimidated them.
Nick: How?
Wife: You knew every lyric to every song and you were singing as loud as you could.
Nick: Isn't that what Weird Al is about?
Wife: Only to you.
Nick: -shakes head- Kids today.

The Set-up

-Nick sets up "the Wife" for a joke which doesnt work.-
Nick: I said that to set you up to be clever.
Wife: You know I'm not clever.

Just calling to say everything is ok

-- Get a call from our loan company --
Machine voice " we would like to talk to you about your mortgage, press 1 to talk to a live representative"
-Nick presses 1-
Live rep - "Thank you for calling can you please give me the last 5 digits of your account number?"
Nick - "No, you called me. I do not have any information at my finger tips."
...

Live rep - "is the number you called from the number we have on file?"
Nick- " I think so , but I didn't call you, you called me"
Live Rep - "Whats your phone number?"
Nick - "Let me look it up, i do not have my house phone number memorized."
Live rep - " If its the number we have on file I don't need you to give it to me. Please give me a moment?"
Nick - "ok."
Live rep - "So i'm looking at your account and there doesn't appear to be anything wrong. You have plenty of time to make your next payment."
Nick - "ok"
Live rep - " Ill mark down that everything is ok"
Nick - "Thanks?"
Live rep - "you are welcome. Have a nice day"
--Phone hangs up--
Nick to himself "What the fuck was that about?"

Hey Bro

I went to a carwash today. A non-carwash employee works at the auto repair place thats next to the carwash. This employee comes up to me as I am telling the guy I want the 25 dollar wash.

Guy: Hey, you got some pits in your window. That will crack. You should get it fixed.
Nick: It happened last week, im not really worried about it.
Guy: Got full insurance coverage?
...

Nick: Yeah with AAA
Guy: They dont cover it. Tell you what ill do, 40 bucks Ill fix you up good.
Nick: No thanks, just here to get my car washed.
Guy: Alright bro.
--5 minutes goes by and im playing a fighting game in the lobby waiting for my car to get done. Im wearing headphones listening to a podcast---
--Guy walks up behind me and waits--
Guy: Hey man, you know I can fix those pits in your window for 25 bucks. Ill fix you up good.
Nick: /sigh. I said no and im not interested.
Guy: Ok bro.
--15 minutes goes by, I am now reading some signs around the carwash, still listening to a podcast.
Guy: So what are you doing today bro?
Nick: Buying some books and picking up my son.
Guy: What kind of books?
Nick: A few management books that I used to own and cant find.
Guy: Management huh, im going to school for management.
Nick: .......
Guy: Take care Bro

The cleaners

I have gone to the dry cleaner for Lani Smith twice.both times I have run into some problem where I am unable to pay. Once because their machine was down and once because I didn't have 7.50 in cash and they don't accept credits cards for purchases under 10 dollars.
 Both times the conversation ended with:

Nick: "so should I just take my cloths back then?"
Clerk: "No you can leave them this time"

Talking while driving

Today in Corona after 3 months of walking I finally saw a man driving his car while talking on a cellphone.

Men - 1
Women - 465,000

The Great and Power Mitch

After high school I moved in with my grandmother. She lived in Santa Monica and my cousin who is a year older then I am lived there too. There was a guy across the street who was always out working on his car/boat/motorcycles usually with his shirt off. I walked to Santa Monica College every other day and would see him many times a week.

One day he asked me what my name was, I said "Nick". The conversation moved on to the weather or some other inane thing people talk about when they don't really know each other.


From that conversation on, for the next two years, the guy called me "Mitch". Now this wouldnt have been so bad if I was the only one who knew that he called me Mitch. However, my cousin would sometimes walk with me or we would be getting in the car together to get lunch or dinner and the

neighbor would say "Hey Cousin, hey Mitch, how you doin?".
 My cousin turned to me and said "Did he just call you Mitch?".
"Yes" I replied.
"Why does he think your name is Mitch?"
"I'm not really sure but its been happening for so long now I do not want to make him look like a fool and correct him"
"Ha ha ha ha"

My cousin then proceeded to tell all of his friends (whom I was friendly with) this small story, so whenever we walked outside my grandmothers house they would start calling me Mitch.

Crabs

Accidentally left my credit card at Joes Crab Shack. Got crabs and now i'm broke.

Old man goes to the mall

Went to mall,
Slightly disturbed by consumerism,
Played pinball,
Felt better.

Krull

its Wednesday and I'm watching Krull.


Wiki Link

Nightmare

When I am sicked or stressed I have nightmares. The worst of these can be categorized at "Night Terror" Wiki link . This is one of those nightmares.

Ever since I have had a child the thought of him dying or getting hurt do to some lapse of oversight has been high on my anxiety list. There is nothing worse than watching your 6  month old fall off a couch. Recently our son had fallen off the bed and it had him crying for ~15 minutes.

I had been feeling stressed out due to family and work issues. One night in my dreams my son was laying on the bed with us (not an uncommon thing) with the dog lying behind him to block him on all 4 sides; the wall, his mother, myself, and the dog. However, the dog would suddenly be gone and my son would wander over to the edge of the bed, which turned into some kind of cliff. ( I cant seem to remember if it was like the grand canyon or like the top of a building). I would jump to save him....

I would be covered in sweat, arms off the end of the bed, its 12 am, the dog is asleep in her dog bed and my wife is asleep in her spot. This happened 3 more times.

Eventually, I decided it was better to just get up and give sleeping another try tomorrow.

Haiku

I have written a Haiku for a game contest. Its based on the game Leviathan (a new board game coming out)

Link here - http://www.fantasyflightgames.com/edge_minisite_sec.asp?eidm=176&esem=2

Leviathan
Majestic navy
The battle will begin soon
Cannons start to fire

Diaper

The more I change my sons diaper, the more I think hes stolen Satan's butt hole.

At my front door

The doorbell rings*
Dog barks*
Nick reluctantly goes to the door knowing that its probably no one he wants to talk to*
At the door there are two Spanish ladies
Ladies take a look at blonde hair blued eyed Nick and say the following "we are looking for spanish speakers, you dont speak Spanish do you?"
Nick: "No"
 Ladies look sad, turn around and walk away*

Redvine

Red Vine = Bones to my dog

Halloween 2012

Im thinking about hosting a murder mystery party for holloween.

14-20 people
Great Gatsby, Masquerade, or Madmen style


Just writing this down to keep it current. Details to come further

Writing a resume

So apparently I have been writing resumes incorrectly for years. Working with this job finding company is pretty great. The only concern I have for myself is that they really start like you have no idea what your doing. I would benefit more from getting the high level idea and then working on tailoring it to myself.

Selling myself is hard for someone who is great at seeing funny ideas and flaws in everything. /procrastination

Rum and Coke

Rum and Coke

A man sits alone at the bar. He was wearing khaki shorts, a polo shirt, tennis shoes, and a sliver heart necklace with two small sapphires in it. He is drinking a rum and coke.

 Two women sitting at a booth were discussing the man. He’s good looking, alone, and wearing a silver heart necklace with two sapphires in it. They discuss why he would be wearing the necklace and if he were straight or gay. Nothing else about him looked like he was gay. Finally, one of the women finally decides to hit on the man to find out.

She slowly went up to the bar next to the man. She orders an apple-tini, pays for her drink and casually says to the man “That’s a lovely necklace where did you get it??

The man stops drinking his drink and replies “you wouldn’t be able to handle the story on a Thursday afternoon”, and proceeds to finish his rum and coke.

The woman, taken a-back, stops for a moment and then replies “why do you say that?”

The man looked annoyed, looks her in the eyes and says “If you can handle the story I’ll buy you and your friend a drink. If you cannot, you buy me a drink.”

Intrigued by this the woman says, “Sure”.

The man drinks the last of his rum and coke and says “This silver necklace was my late wife’s. The sapphires represent my ten month old son’s birthday, he was born in September. They were both killed by a drunk driver, who was leaving this bar. Every Thursday I come here to watch for men who have been drinking too much and I pay for their cab ride home.”

The woman says nothing. A small tear rolls down her cheek. “What are you drinking?” she says.

The man looks down at his glass and replies “Rum and coke”.

Baby Choices

Babies new skill; Falling on his butt. He sure knows what hes doing. He waits till the falling stops, looks around. Then goes about his business. It is a cold calculated decision that should not be overlooked.

A poem

Old men and women,
Wearing suits in the night,
They spy our smiles.
The sky opens but the water is warm,
We drink the nectar of youth.

A conversation about art

Nick: Hey Lani I wrote you a poem.
Wife: That's so sweet can I read it?
Nick: Of course.
~Wife reads poem
Wife: I don't get it. You know I don't understand symbolism.
Nick: Why do you hate my art?!!!!!!

Eye Doctor

Eyeglass attendant to old man

Attendant: How are you doing today?
Old man: I'm above ground.

At the deli

Nick: can i get 1/2 pound of black forest ham, sliced?
Deli person: thin slice or regular?
Nick: im ashamed because i don't know....

Seeing Boobs

Nick: Hey I saw Kristin Stewarts boobs today.
Wife: really, how were they?
Nick: About as you would expect for a skinny girl.
Wife: Fair enough.
Nick: Wanna see em?
Wife: .............. I do

Bucky Larson

How far can you get through "Bucky Larson born to be a star"? We made it 12 minutes.

On drinking wine

Nick during a wine tasting:

To wine expert " Why is it three times as much? Is it because its three times as good?"...I dont know anything about wine.

Are you filming?

Lani: are you filming?
Nick: Yeah...
Lani: Dont film
Nick: Why whats wrong
Lani: Cause im having a melt down
Footage ends

WTF

Dear person from Utah who called me " WTF?"

Movie Review - Prometheus

Prometheus - Ridley Scotts look back at the Space jockey.


Spoilers
First things first, I have been looking forward to this movie for years. Why were the zenomorphs created? Whats up with the space jockey? How did the ship crash?

None of these questions were answered in Prometheus. Instead Ridley Scott explored the creation of life and death. The architects (the space jockeys), seem to be able to manipulate DNA and have the ability to create life, though it takes death and sacrifice to do so. They also seem to have a death god, or something akin to it which is represented by the Zenomorph (the alien)

A large question for the human animal is "what is the meaning of life?". Prometheus implies that we are an experiment created by the Architects. Much like an ant farm. Then 2000 years before the movie takes place something happened that caused the Architects to decide to destroy us. (the internet suggests killing Jesus , who was in fact an Architect). However, before they can launch their attack from their off-world base, the DNA goo gets loose and kills them all.

The movie is the humans adventure to this military planet to try and figure out who made us, and whats going on.


Good things about this movie:

Visuals were fantastic, HR GIGER does it again
Fassbender as David the android was the stand out performance. He was fantastic
Therone was good as the no-nonsense corporate liason
Quite a few good scares

Bad things about the movie:
17 people went to the planet, many of them were "Star Trek: Red shirts", their only role was to die and be faceless. The few tier two crew members, were a little thin and you did not feel or empathize with them.

There are 6 plots going on in the movie and they can be hard to follow, especially when many of them are not explained or wrapped up at the end of the movie. (most likely because they want to leave it open for a sequel).

There is a scene in which the main character is pregnant. She then uses a machine to cut the alien out of her. HOWEVER, it takes 10 minutes of time, no one on the crew seems to know what shes doing, it doesnt make a ton of sense and the only reason they seemed to have done it was to have her weird ,alien fetus baby help defend her.

My last issue was actually my wifes but she had a decent point. In the movie , Weyland is old, real old. They got a young Guy Pierce to play him. He is never young in the movie. Why not just hire an old actor to play an old guy?



I cannot wait for this movie to come to blu- ray so that I can watch it over and over and geek out on all the awesome images and new history that has been introduced.

/out
 

Call me maybe

I decided to watch this "call me maybe" song after hearing about it from everyone.
Its pretty terrible. And the dude she wants to call her is a muscly, tatted up, gardener. Not only his the song bad, but she has bad taste.

Things I wanted to do.

Things I wanted to do today:

Fix the leak in the bathtub
- I thought i turned off the water... i didn't. Water shot out of the wall all over the bathroom, went down through the floor into the fixture of the light in the bathroom on the first floor. I had to run out to the street to find the real water shut off...i didn't have the tools to do it. So i ran and turned on all the other facets, outside spigots, and other shower to try and slow down the rate of water. Finally go the water off. Put the shower handle back together. Turns much nicer, leaks even worse.

Fix ice machine in the fridge...I tried. I fallowed all the instructions for trouble shooting. 99 percent of them are "is the ice machine turn off light on? No. Are you sure?, well if you are sure.... "

Take a look at mini pool pump to see if it can be quieter...im crazy. I swear last year the pump wasnt so loud but I cant figure out if there is a problem.

The whole time my son got dirty from all the water and cried for 2 hours.

Men in Black 3

Men in Black 3 - A story that didn't need to be told.

Diablo 3 - Lag

Diablo 3 - I have died twice to lag, where when the game caught up I was dead. This is really not ok. Im thinking about doing a hardcore character and how can I do that if this is a common occurrence?

Walking the dog

I accidentally spit on my dog...

Drivers of Corona..

Beware, I saw 6 women who were driving large cars and trucks while actively talking on the cellphones. You have been warned.

Mothers day in the Nick house

Back story : Over the last 4 weeks I have asked my wife this questions, "What would you like to do for mothers day, and is there anything that you would like?". Her answer is always no, which is not uncommon as my wife is not a big gift person.

Mothers day -2

Wife:  so I think I lied. I think I want something for mothers day. A sapphire necklace, (sends me link)


Wife:  wanna buy it for me and get one day shipping so it comes tomorrow

Nick:  You can buy it. Whats the point of lying to ourselves

Wife:  lols. ok

I salute you

On my walk today I someone  driving a car, while smoking, and talking on the phone. I salute you lady

Bug Sex

I walk between 4 and 5 miles a day. I have noticed over the last 2 weeks that lots of bugs are sexing it up on the side walk. bug sex

12 Kings

I had a dream that 12 kings at around a table toasting their success. Their castle crumbled around them.

Resume and Cover letters

So not having a job is hard, trying to find one that fits is even worse. Currently im waiting to hear from one company that I think I would be a great fit for, but it seems they have found someone else. I have had a few recruits reach out and offer me customer service positions (which im not interested in). 

So to make my Resume and Cover letter more interesting I created a video to go along with them..

http://youtu.be/mOTQKnje4F0

Driving

The wife, myself and another couple all hung out for the day yesterday. The two women of the group were in the back seat giving me terrible directions, blaming me when I did something wrong, and gave me no credit when I did something right. I guess I really am married.

Demon Baby

I put up a fence to keep my son out of the kitchen. Sometime later i found him in the kitchen. The fence was still up as i left it. I am now in the mindset that my son is a demon and can demon-teleport past baby gates. Its the only reasonable explanation.

Stranger at the door

Door Bell rings:

Nick answers the door to a stranger (not uncommon in the area).

Nick: Hi can I help you?
Stranger:....(looks past Nick)
Stranger: I think I have the wrong house
Nick: Probably
Stranger: ....(turns and walks away)
Nick: Take care now

Argument

Typical Nick and Wife Argument:

Wife: I have things to say and I must say it three times
Nick: Counter with rational man argument
Wife: I have things to say and I must say it three times
Nick: Why did you just repeat exactly what you just said? you know what I dont care anymore ive just stopped listening.
Wife: I have things to say and I must say it three times

Argument 

Song of the week: Gordon Lightfoot - The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald

Gordon Lightfoot - The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald

I actually came across this song when I heard the lyric "

And the iron boats go as the mariners all know with the Gales of November remembered."

something about the way the words "Gales of November remembered" got caught in my head and it went over and over and over till I imagined female spirits with snowy white hair dragging the sailors to the bottom of the lake. Perhaps I took the word gale to mean women. /shrug

Stress

The world is a stressful place.  I generally keep our kitchen clean except for the damage my wife has done to the stove top. I refuse to clean it and so it just gets worse and worse. I blame society.

Accommodating

There is nothing worse then two people on the phone   trying to out accommodate one another.

Phone Survey

Robot Ann from "Political Opinions of America" Just called. I was carefully picked...to hang up on her after 3 seconds.

Dinner time

My house currently smells like Lavander and Beef stew

Mundane Items that are Important

I didnt know how much i leaned on the garbage disposal till i didnt have one.

Movie Mash up

I was watching Mary Poppins on TV and during the commercials I would switch it to "The Making of Scream". But in my memory I watched a movie about an evil nanny who traps kids inside paints , sings songs about it, and makes dirty phone calls.

Little old Lady

It is never good when your neighbor comes up to you and starts the conversation off with "Its none of my business but...."

A darn shame

For the first 45 years of Matterhorn’s operation, the requirement was only that a rider must be 3 years of age or older. Then about ten years ago the requirement was changed to 35 inches. But with the locking lap bars and redesigned seats in the new
bobsleds, the Matterhorn will have a new height requirement of 42 inches when it opens on June 15th. That’s two inches taller than Space Mountain or Splash Mountain, but the same height requirement as Goofy’s Sky School.

wow... GG united states of assholes and lawyers

Tuesday: Personal Philosophy 3

A wheel broke off from my computer chair 2 weeks ago. I krazy glued it back together and gave it a few days to dry. I decided it was time to put it back on my chair. When I put weight on it, the wheel broke again. On closer examination the krazy glue held and it broke in a totally different place. I feel like my life is this stupid wheel >.<

Time to try to re-glue it.

Monday: Cipher 4

57 68 61 74 20 69 73 20 79 6f 75 72 20 66 61 76 6f 72 69 74 65 20 6e 75 6d 62 65 72 3f

Monday: Ciper 3

01011001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100110 01100001 01110110 01101111 01110010 01101001 01110100 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100001 01101110 01100100 00111111

Taking a walk

I would not advise one to eat their feet,
They may not be able to walk to their next meal.

 -Nick

On the floor

My son and I both like being on the floor, feels safe somehow. He also likes to yell at the window curtain, not a habit ive picked up.

Reflections

My son was staring at the glass in our office doors. I did not quite understand why till i looked and saw my own reflection. I turned to him and said "im not sure which of us is real either ." He then turned away content with not knowing.

Electric Shock

Wife: Are you alright?
Nick: No,  i feel like someone just electrocuted my sphincter

Lady God

Draw something :

Wife can't get my drawing of a goddess...

Nick: what do you call someone on a cloud who tells villagers what to do?
Wife: a god
Nick: and what if that god was a woman?
Wife: lady god?
Nick:.............

Apologies

Sorry for not posting last week. Family emergency

Feedback

I got the best piece of feedback regarding my site

Nick: Hey did you get a chance to check out my blog?
Friend: Yea, there was this one, there were typos but i got what you were saying
Nick:...Thanks?
Friend: No problem

Nerd Joke

Starcraft 2 Commentator : "That match was more one-sided then a mobius strip."

Wife: OMG NERD JOKE

Nick: HIGH FIVE

Wife and Nick High five

Net Flix: More Like

More like Hottub Time Machine...

Tsunami: Killer Wave

Thursday: Movie Review 2

Carpet Racers - A documentary about the sport of professional RC (remote control) carpet racing

This movies is about a hobbiest hobby. I had never  heard of it till I watched this DOC on the documentary channel.

Pluses: It was done by someone who loves the sport and wanted to find out more about it. This kept the doc from being mean or making fun of the RC car drivers. They did their best to go into the history of the sport and even picked out a couple of racers to profile.

Negatives: It seemed to portray Carpet Racing as a dying hobby, the organizers seem to have grown the sport too much in the wrong directions and they aren't sure how to make it more accessible. In-fact the actual racing wasnt that cool, except for the speed of the cars.

News Interviews

I started making a list of places not to be interviewed by the news,

First on that list: Miniature golf courses - nothing like telling the camera about the bad man, with a windmill, volcano, and a house made out of ice cream in the back ground

Learned to laugh again

Thank you Jackass 3. I have learned to laugh again...at the misfortune of others.

Wednesday: Though of the week 2

....blank......

Draw Something

My wife and I play together so we can make fun of each others drawing.

Example :
Wife: My christian cousin who was a missionary for her entire life will not gets your picture of two guys, one with a hot girl and one with a fat troll.

Nick: But its point to the second guy, hes "THE WING MAN" , I also drew a picture of a bird wing, plus a stick figure man, im sure she will get it.

12 hours later

Wife: My cousin didnt get your picture, now you have ruined our streak

Nick: So you are blaming her failings on me?

Wife: Its not her falt

Nick: I dont believe you

Wife:.....


Wife turned around and walked away

5 month old babies

Babies are not fun till they are ~5 months old. Now hes interesting, except at 6 months he starts to talk. Screaming and babbling incoherent things. So in conclusion, babies are great from 5-6 months old.

Tuesday: Personal Philosophy 2

Life is like a pinball game:

You have little control,
Sometimes good things happen,
Sometimes the ball goes down the gutter,
Remember, you can always play again

..Unless you die. Thats not like pinball at all

Monday Cipher 2

UWMB DFQSEGBDACMBEGQS BDXZQSZOEGQS OQACYNYNQSMBFH IKUWFHTV KMACGIDF RTZOHJACDFUWFHQS EGACMBSU

Adventure to Camelot

So I wanted to go to an arcade today. Camelot was the only one around i knew would have pinball and wouldn't charge me for parking.

I got there and cashed 10 dollars on tokens.

They had half of the machines turned off. all the pinball, fighters, one-player standard games. The only games that were turned on were drivers, shooters, ticket and this
miniature bowling game. I decided that since I was there anyway and I already had token I would go ahead and play some shooters.

Terminator Salvation - It would take my tokens but not give me credit. I asked an attendant to help me out. He hit it 3 times, then fell to the floor looking for loose tokens.  He found one put it in, hit the machines a bunch more times and it took it. He asked me "How much money did you lose?" "Just one more token" I said. "Great". He then fell to the floor again to find another loose token, which he did and handed it to me.

I then went to try the miniature bowling. First it was two dollars for FIVE frames of bowling. Second , the lane I was in only had nine pins (which I did even notice till the third frame when I got a spare and it only gave me nine pins. I called for assistance once again, not to get back my money (i did play all five frames) but to let them know that the lane was missing a pin.

Nick: This lane is missing a pin
Manager: Are you sure?
Nick: Yes Im sure. It score you out of ten but there are only nine pins there.
Manager: Let me get XXXXX hes the arcade guy on right now
Nick: Sure

Arcade guy: Whats up
Nick: This lane only has nine pins
Arcade guy: Well its not reallll bowling
Nick:.......
Nick: I understand that but the game does score you out of ten like in real bowling so I wanted you to know that it was broken. I dont need my money back or anything.
Arcade guy: Ok , well theres nothing we can do about it.
Nick Ok then

Nick: Oh by the way, would it be possible to turn on the pinball machines, its actually why I came here and they arent on?
Manager: We only use that room during weekends and parties.
Nick: Is it still possible?
Manager: Sure. Let me call the Arcade guy

He then turned on the bank of pinball machines and I was able to play pinball for the next two hours.

I got ten dollars in token (which was 50 because of the "good deal")
4 tokens went to the shooter i played for three minutes
8 token went to the broken half game of bowling i played
37 token went into two hours of  pinball (including 10 free high score games and 2 free random games)
my last token I gave to a guy who only had one left
I am really glad I asked the clerk to turn on the machines. The arcade is ~15 minutes no traffic , from my house and I was really feeling like it was a waste of my time.

Rocky IV...

On Netflix Rocky IV is listed as a political drama.

next you will tell me Total Recall is a Documentary.

Friday: Song of week

Ghost Assasin (Hourglass Bonusmix)

Subject: The video game Starcraft 2's villian Kerrigan
Type of music: Techno remix
How did you find it?: Huskystarcraft a youtube broadcaster of Starcraft 2 multiplayer matchs, suggested it on his channel. I listened to it a few times at work and sent it to all my co-workers. Even the Wife likes it.

Give it a listen and let me know what you think

Thursday: Movie review

Robocop: A message of hope

Reason: The Tigers Baseball team is still around and a main character never misses a game.

Baby sleep

Wife: How is the baby doing?
Nick: Hes dead to the world.
Wife:...
Nick: Well i mean hes actually alive, just asleep

Worlds Saddest Dog

My dog is roundly considered (by everyone I know) as the worlds saddest dog. She has two looks. Super ultra "In the arms of the angels" Sarah McLachlan sad, and happy.

Americas Past Time

It makes at on of sense that Baseball was Americas old past time. You played on a team, but you had chance for personal glory. As a fan you could spend your downtime watching the boys of summer.

Now its NASCAR, people driving around in circles. As a fan you get drunk and dont hvae to pay much attention.

Tissue Paper

My 6 month old likes to eat tissue paper. So I fed him some to see if it would wipe him when he pooped.

...That was a mistake.

Monday: Cipher 1

Vs lbh pna ernq guvf, ercyl jvgu lbhe snibevgr pbybe

Wednesday: Thought of the week

I have this damn song stuck in my head....

its only a few words (which I cant remember as I write this)

I can hear the beat

Whenever i sit down to figure it out using Google-fu, its gone

Tuesday: Personal Philosophy

Most people do as little as possible to get by....


I found over the last 30 years that most people do as little as possible to get by. It is not a choice someone makes, in-fact its part of the human condition. Your brain is wired to take shortcuts  and only remember to important parts. You can test this by thinking about the drive to work from five days ago. The only things that may stand out are those which are out of the norm; EX Car accident, cool license plate.

Your brain wants you to forget otherwise your head would be filled with thousands of hours of driving to and from common places. you can see it all over human history, even in your history classes. Someone once posed to me "why is it we use wars to mark history, doesn't that make us obsessed with war?" to which I replied "War is not the norm, so it stands out. Which to me says that humans are by nature orderly lazy beings". They didn't seem to care for this answer since it didn't fit their ideology.

I was someone who would work very hard to not to as little as possible. I would volunteer, I would take bad jobs, because I felt it would get me somewhere. However, I did not realize that my bosses were working as little as possible to get by too.  Recognizing which co-workers, people work hard isn't difficult but figuring out what to do after that can be.

Hard work in a group of lazy workers (as in the case of one of my friends) simply gets you sneers and called names behind your back. You are the pot stirrer the person who wants things to be better ,when what everyone else wants is for it to stay the same, so they do not have to change. In this kind of environment the laziness of the masses has destroyed the work place so badly that only those people who use the system get ahead.

My recommendation: Get out of dodge and go somewhere where your hard work will be appreciated.

Real world use: Recognize how little it takes to do your job and the jobs of everyone else around you and do it a little better. You will shine like the sun.

Mess up this Movie: 101 Dalmations

A wife finds that she is dying of a very bad illness. Forgetting her husband and child she leaves and moves in with her next door neighbor. He feeds her a steak and she immediately gets better. The husband comes to find her and she says shes not going to leave. He reminds her of her son and she starts to try because now she has to eat Dalmatian meat to stay alive. The Husband then goes on a quest to save his wife.

New title: 101 Dalmatians save a life

Reasonable Phone Call

Phone rings

Nick: Hello
ATT rep: Hi this is (%n) from ATT, I was calling to see if you would be interested in bundling all of our services. You know its cheaper to bundle then to have all of them separately?
Nick: Actually we used to have lots of ATT products but we are currently getting rid of them.
ATT rep: Really why is that?
Nick: Well why don't you take me through what you can bundle and I will tell you weather or not we can do it?
ATT rep: Ok we have our phone service...
Nick: Stop right there, we had ATT for years but now it doesnt work in our house and whats the point if I can't make calls in my own home?
ATT rep: Thats understandable....
Nick: What else you got?
ATT rep: We have our cable service...
Nick: we had that too, turns out in order for you to come turn it on in our new house its going to take 3 weeks. I cant have that, so we got rid of it.
ATT rep: Wow really 3 weeks..I understand that.
Nick: Anything else?
ATT rep: Well we also do internet...
Nick: We had internet till we got cox cable then they offered to bundle our internet too so we got rid of it.
Att rep: Have a nice day sir.

Rep hangs up

A call to remember....

8:30pm eating dinner

Phone rings

Nick: Hello
Phone person: Hello im %n, from helping hand with the blind wondering if you have anything you can donate to the blind?
Nick, puts down dinner : Why do the blind need my old cloths is it because they cant see what they look like?
Phone person taken aback : Well no..
---interupts---
Nick: Infact why cant they get jobs to pay for their own cloths? Are you blind? A blind person can make phone calls right?
Phone person stuttering : Well you see....
--interupts---
Nick: you know what? If you hate the blind so much that you wont give them a job I do not wish to speak with you. Good day.

Hangs up phone

Goes back to eating dinner

World Famous Jungle Cruise

Random Family Member: Hey Nick, lets go on Jungle Cruise
Nick: You mean "The World Famous Jungle Cruise"?
Family Member: Why do you always correct us when we say it wrong?
Nick: Why is the sky blue?
Family Member: /sigh

A drive in the sun

Nick: woo its cold outside today
Wife: The sun is really warm
Nick: Really, the sun is warm?
Wife: I hate you

It puts the lotion on it skin

Wife: Can you please give your son a bath and put him in pajamas?
Nick: Sure
---Washes son---
Nick: Is there anything I have to do before putting him in pajamas?
Wife: Put lotion on him so he doesn't dry out.
Nick:ok
---starts putting lotion on son---
Nick: singing "im looking down the hole you're looking up at me, you're cold and tired, that is easy to see....."
Wife: yelling from downstairs: are you singing "it puts the lotion on its skin by greenskeeper?"
Nick: Yes
Wife: Wow!!

Lets ride Haunted!!

At Disneyland....


Nick: What should we go on next?
Wife: Lets go on haunted!!!!
Nick: What the fuck is "Haunted"?
Wife: You know, the Haunted Mansion.
Nick: If you are going to shorten it, proper Disney nomenclature says that its "Mansion".
Wife: Whatever..

8 years Later

Nick: What should we go on next?
Wife: Lets go on Haunted!!!!
Nick: >.<

Call about...Explorers

Phone rings....


Nick: Hey
Mother: Hey, whats that movie with Ethan Hawk and he goes to space as a boy, wak wak.
Nick: Explorers, also staring River Phoenix.
Mother: Thanks

Phonecall ends..

Call about....figureskating

Phonecall....
Nick: Hello
Mother: Are you watching figure skating?
Nick: Why would I be watching figure skating?
Mother: So you are not watching figure skating?
Nick: No. Why?
Mother: I wanted to know the name of the song they were skating to. but forget it, its over now.

Phonecall ends

Moment in the morning

1am - Wife gets up to feed baby son
1:15am - Noobie(dog) has to readjust because Wife got up to feed baby son
1:20 am - Nick has to readjust noobie because noobie adjusted due to Wife getting up to feed baby son
1:21am - Wife yells at Nick for moving the dog because it makes it harder to feed baby son

4am - Wife enters the center of the bed giving baby son 30 percent of the space, her 30 percent of the space, Noobie 20 percent of the space, leaving Nick 10 percent
4:10am - Nick pushes Wife back to her side of the bed
4:10 +1 second - Wife yells at Nick to stop "being a bed/blanket hog" and wakes up the baby
4:10 +2 seconds - Wife yells at Nick for waking up the baby
4:30am - Wife using her nail stabs Nick in the back
5:30am - Wife complains that Nick caused her to get a bad nights sleep
5:31am - Nick leaves for work

Fruit

Wife to waitress: "What is the fruit?"
Nick to Friend: "its like a vegetable but sweeter"
Wife to Nick: I hate you

Ink Master

You know you hit rock bottom when you decide that "ink masters" is the thing to watch.

Superball the Gong

I want to create a faster than light drive and then when someone turns it on they say "Time to Superball the Gong" then a gong hit would sound.

Jabba Toll Booth

I went to pay the toll with a few dollars the other day (I was in a rental car) and the girl inside looked like Jabba the Hut.

Jabba: Innna puta gringa 4:25
Nick: Here you go (gives her 4.25)
Jabba: Wanta dah moole-rah? Wonkee chee sa crispa con Greedo?
Nick: I did pay you and I didnt kill Greedo
Jabba: Movalonga
Nick: Thanks

One in a Million

Sometimes I stay up late at night thinking im a bad father. Then I realize that over thousands of years there have been millions of bad fathers and at least some of those kids came out all right. Heres to James being one in a million.

Important Words Should be Capitalized

My Wife Hates editing my documents because I Capitalize any word that I think is Important.

Diarrhea of the Mouth

Sometimes I have diarrhea of the mouth, I get started on a subject and just stream of conscientiousness, sometimes it comes out ok and sometimes, Bullfrog.