Country of Leaders

We used to be a country of leaders. We are now a country of people who want to be leaders. - Nick Smith (looking at every single candidate on the ballot )

The Electric Leaf Blower

The Wife: ...how do I make it plug?
Nick: ..........

A day in the life

So Nick what did you do for work today?
Looked at 1000 models and their online portfolios to find some booth babes for comic con.

How was it?
Pretty good

Whats her name?

‎-Nick comes home from a long day -
- The baby sitter is sitting in the living room -
- she hasnt been paid -
Babysitter: Hey your wife didnt leave me a check like you said she would.
Nick: No worries ill take care of it.

Babysitter: Thanks
- Babysitter stands in the hall with her stuff waiting to leave while I look for checks in the office, which takes me 5 minutes -
- I started writing the check....Name...."I have no clue what her name is"...guess ill just leave it blank and she can fill it in. -
-Hands check to baby sitter all filled out except for her name-
Babysitter: Thanks
Nick: Anytime

Salsa

- The wife is making salsa - (Note: She cut off the tip of her finger a  few years ago, cutting a tomato)
Wife: Nick. I cut myself again.
Nick: Tomatoes?
Wife: Yes.
Nick: Is it bad?
Wife: No. Its just a nick.
Nick: Instead of a "wife"?
Wife: Yeah.
- 5 seconds later-
Wife: oh. Funny.