Draw something :
Wife can't get my drawing of a goddess...
Nick: what do you call someone on a cloud who tells villagers what to do?
Wife: a god
Nick: and what if that god was a woman?
Wife: lady god?
Nick:.............
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Feedback
I got the best piece of feedback regarding my site
Nick: Hey did you get a chance to check out my blog?
Friend: Yea, there was this one, there were typos but i got what you were saying
Nick:...Thanks?
Friend: No problem
Nick: Hey did you get a chance to check out my blog?
Friend: Yea, there was this one, there were typos but i got what you were saying
Nick:...Thanks?
Friend: No problem
Nerd Joke
Starcraft 2 Commentator : "That match was more one-sided then a mobius strip."
Wife: OMG NERD JOKE
Nick: HIGH FIVE
Wife and Nick High five
Wife: OMG NERD JOKE
Nick: HIGH FIVE
Wife and Nick High five
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Thursday: Movie Review 2
Carpet Racers - A documentary about the sport of professional RC (remote control) carpet racing
This movies is about a hobbiest hobby. I had never heard of it till I watched this DOC on the documentary channel.
Pluses: It was done by someone who loves the sport and wanted to find out more about it. This kept the doc from being mean or making fun of the RC car drivers. They did their best to go into the history of the sport and even picked out a couple of racers to profile.
Negatives: It seemed to portray Carpet Racing as a dying hobby, the organizers seem to have grown the sport too much in the wrong directions and they aren't sure how to make it more accessible. In-fact the actual racing wasnt that cool, except for the speed of the cars.
This movies is about a hobbiest hobby. I had never heard of it till I watched this DOC on the documentary channel.
Pluses: It was done by someone who loves the sport and wanted to find out more about it. This kept the doc from being mean or making fun of the RC car drivers. They did their best to go into the history of the sport and even picked out a couple of racers to profile.
Negatives: It seemed to portray Carpet Racing as a dying hobby, the organizers seem to have grown the sport too much in the wrong directions and they aren't sure how to make it more accessible. In-fact the actual racing wasnt that cool, except for the speed of the cars.
News Interviews
I started making a list of places not to be interviewed by the news,
First on that list: Miniature golf courses - nothing like telling the camera about the bad man, with a windmill, volcano, and a house made out of ice cream in the back ground
First on that list: Miniature golf courses - nothing like telling the camera about the bad man, with a windmill, volcano, and a house made out of ice cream in the back ground
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Learned to laugh again
Thank you Jackass 3. I have learned to laugh again...at the misfortune of others.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Draw Something
My wife and I play together so we can make fun of each others drawing.
Example :
Wife: My christian cousin who was a missionary for her entire life will not gets your picture of two guys, one with a hot girl and one with a fat troll.
Nick: But its point to the second guy, hes "THE WING MAN" , I also drew a picture of a bird wing, plus a stick figure man, im sure she will get it.
12 hours later
Wife: My cousin didnt get your picture, now you have ruined our streak
Nick: So you are blaming her failings on me?
Wife: Its not her falt
Nick: I dont believe you
Wife:.....
Wife turned around and walked away
Example :
Wife: My christian cousin who was a missionary for her entire life will not gets your picture of two guys, one with a hot girl and one with a fat troll.
Nick: But its point to the second guy, hes "THE WING MAN" , I also drew a picture of a bird wing, plus a stick figure man, im sure she will get it.
12 hours later
Wife: My cousin didnt get your picture, now you have ruined our streak
Nick: So you are blaming her failings on me?
Wife: Its not her falt
Nick: I dont believe you
Wife:.....
Wife turned around and walked away
5 month old babies
Babies are not fun till they are ~5 months old. Now hes interesting, except at 6 months he starts to talk. Screaming and babbling incoherent things. So in conclusion, babies are great from 5-6 months old.
Tuesday: Personal Philosophy 2
Life is like a pinball game:
You have little control,
Sometimes good things happen,
Sometimes the ball goes down the gutter,
Remember, you can always play again
..Unless you die. Thats not like pinball at all
You have little control,
Sometimes good things happen,
Sometimes the ball goes down the gutter,
Remember, you can always play again
..Unless you die. Thats not like pinball at all
Monday, March 19, 2012
Monday Cipher 2
UWMB DFQSEGBDACMBEGQS BDXZQSZOEGQS OQACYNYNQSMBFH IKUWFHTV KMACGIDF
RTZOHJACDFUWFHQS EGACMBSU
Adventure to Camelot
So I wanted to go to an arcade today. Camelot was the only one around i knew would have pinball and wouldn't charge me for parking.
I got there and cashed 10 dollars on tokens.
They had half of the machines turned off. all the pinball, fighters, one-player standard games. The only games that were turned on were drivers, shooters, ticket and this
miniature bowling game. I decided that since I was there anyway and I already had token I would go ahead and play some shooters.
Terminator Salvation - It would take my tokens but not give me credit. I asked an attendant to help me out. He hit it 3 times, then fell to the floor looking for loose tokens. He found one put it in, hit the machines a bunch more times and it took it. He asked me "How much money did you lose?" "Just one more token" I said. "Great". He then fell to the floor again to find another loose token, which he did and handed it to me.
I then went to try the miniature bowling. First it was two dollars for FIVE frames of bowling. Second , the lane I was in only had nine pins (which I did even notice till the third frame when I got a spare and it only gave me nine pins. I called for assistance once again, not to get back my money (i did play all five frames) but to let them know that the lane was missing a pin.
Nick: This lane is missing a pin
Manager: Are you sure?
Nick: Yes Im sure. It score you out of ten but there are only nine pins there.
Manager: Let me get XXXXX hes the arcade guy on right now
Nick: Sure
Arcade guy: Whats up
Nick: This lane only has nine pins
Arcade guy: Well its not reallll bowling
Nick:.......
Nick: I understand that but the game does score you out of ten like in real bowling so I wanted you to know that it was broken. I dont need my money back or anything.
Arcade guy: Ok , well theres nothing we can do about it.
Nick Ok then
Nick: Oh by the way, would it be possible to turn on the pinball machines, its actually why I came here and they arent on?
Manager: We only use that room during weekends and parties.
Nick: Is it still possible?
Manager: Sure. Let me call the Arcade guy
He then turned on the bank of pinball machines and I was able to play pinball for the next two hours.
I got ten dollars in token (which was 50 because of the "good deal")
4 tokens went to the shooter i played for three minutes
8 token went to the broken half game of bowling i played
37 token went into two hours of pinball (including 10 free high score games and 2 free random games)
my last token I gave to a guy who only had one left
I am really glad I asked the clerk to turn on the machines. The arcade is ~15 minutes no traffic , from my house and I was really feeling like it was a waste of my time.
I got there and cashed 10 dollars on tokens.
They had half of the machines turned off. all the pinball, fighters, one-player standard games. The only games that were turned on were drivers, shooters, ticket and this
miniature bowling game. I decided that since I was there anyway and I already had token I would go ahead and play some shooters.
Terminator Salvation - It would take my tokens but not give me credit. I asked an attendant to help me out. He hit it 3 times, then fell to the floor looking for loose tokens. He found one put it in, hit the machines a bunch more times and it took it. He asked me "How much money did you lose?" "Just one more token" I said. "Great". He then fell to the floor again to find another loose token, which he did and handed it to me.
I then went to try the miniature bowling. First it was two dollars for FIVE frames of bowling. Second , the lane I was in only had nine pins (which I did even notice till the third frame when I got a spare and it only gave me nine pins. I called for assistance once again, not to get back my money (i did play all five frames) but to let them know that the lane was missing a pin.
Nick: This lane is missing a pin
Manager: Are you sure?
Nick: Yes Im sure. It score you out of ten but there are only nine pins there.
Manager: Let me get XXXXX hes the arcade guy on right now
Nick: Sure
Arcade guy: Whats up
Nick: This lane only has nine pins
Arcade guy: Well its not reallll bowling
Nick:.......
Nick: I understand that but the game does score you out of ten like in real bowling so I wanted you to know that it was broken. I dont need my money back or anything.
Arcade guy: Ok , well theres nothing we can do about it.
Nick Ok then
Nick: Oh by the way, would it be possible to turn on the pinball machines, its actually why I came here and they arent on?
Manager: We only use that room during weekends and parties.
Nick: Is it still possible?
Manager: Sure. Let me call the Arcade guy
He then turned on the bank of pinball machines and I was able to play pinball for the next two hours.
I got ten dollars in token (which was 50 because of the "good deal")
4 tokens went to the shooter i played for three minutes
8 token went to the broken half game of bowling i played
37 token went into two hours of pinball (including 10 free high score games and 2 free random games)
my last token I gave to a guy who only had one left
I am really glad I asked the clerk to turn on the machines. The arcade is ~15 minutes no traffic , from my house and I was really feeling like it was a waste of my time.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Rocky IV...
On Netflix Rocky IV is listed as a political drama.
next you will tell me Total Recall is a Documentary.
next you will tell me Total Recall is a Documentary.
Friday: Song of week
Ghost Assasin (Hourglass Bonusmix)
Subject: The video game Starcraft 2's villian Kerrigan
Type of music: Techno remix
How did you find it?: Huskystarcraft a youtube broadcaster of Starcraft 2 multiplayer matchs, suggested it on his channel. I listened to it a few times at work and sent it to all my co-workers. Even the Wife likes it.
Give it a listen and let me know what you think
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Thursday: Movie review
Robocop: A message of hope
Reason: The Tigers Baseball team is still around and a main character never misses a game.
Reason: The Tigers Baseball team is still around and a main character never misses a game.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Baby sleep
Wife: How is the baby doing?
Nick: Hes dead to the world.
Wife:...
Nick: Well i mean hes actually alive, just asleep
Nick: Hes dead to the world.
Wife:...
Nick: Well i mean hes actually alive, just asleep
Worlds Saddest Dog
My dog is roundly considered (by everyone I know) as the worlds saddest dog. She has two looks. Super ultra "In the arms of the angels" Sarah McLachlan sad, and happy.
Americas Past Time
It makes at on of sense that Baseball was Americas old past time. You played on a team, but you had chance for personal glory. As a fan you could spend your downtime watching the boys of summer.
Now its NASCAR, people driving around in circles. As a fan you get drunk and dont hvae to pay much attention.
Now its NASCAR, people driving around in circles. As a fan you get drunk and dont hvae to pay much attention.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Tissue Paper
My 6 month old likes to eat tissue paper. So I fed him some to see if it would wipe him when he pooped.
...That was a mistake.
...That was a mistake.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Wednesday: Thought of the week
I have this damn song stuck in my head....
its only a few words (which I cant remember as I write this)
I can hear the beat
Whenever i sit down to figure it out using Google-fu, its gone
its only a few words (which I cant remember as I write this)
I can hear the beat
Whenever i sit down to figure it out using Google-fu, its gone
Tuesday: Personal Philosophy
Most people do as little as possible to get by....
I found over the last 30 years that most people do as little as possible to get by. It is not a choice someone makes, in-fact its part of the human condition. Your brain is wired to take shortcuts and only remember to important parts. You can test this by thinking about the drive to work from five days ago. The only things that may stand out are those which are out of the norm; EX Car accident, cool license plate.
Your brain wants you to forget otherwise your head would be filled with thousands of hours of driving to and from common places. you can see it all over human history, even in your history classes. Someone once posed to me "why is it we use wars to mark history, doesn't that make us obsessed with war?" to which I replied "War is not the norm, so it stands out. Which to me says that humans are by nature orderly lazy beings". They didn't seem to care for this answer since it didn't fit their ideology.
I was someone who would work very hard to not to as little as possible. I would volunteer, I would take bad jobs, because I felt it would get me somewhere. However, I did not realize that my bosses were working as little as possible to get by too. Recognizing which co-workers, people work hard isn't difficult but figuring out what to do after that can be.
Hard work in a group of lazy workers (as in the case of one of my friends) simply gets you sneers and called names behind your back. You are the pot stirrer the person who wants things to be better ,when what everyone else wants is for it to stay the same, so they do not have to change. In this kind of environment the laziness of the masses has destroyed the work place so badly that only those people who use the system get ahead.
My recommendation: Get out of dodge and go somewhere where your hard work will be appreciated.
Real world use: Recognize how little it takes to do your job and the jobs of everyone else around you and do it a little better. You will shine like the sun.
I found over the last 30 years that most people do as little as possible to get by. It is not a choice someone makes, in-fact its part of the human condition. Your brain is wired to take shortcuts and only remember to important parts. You can test this by thinking about the drive to work from five days ago. The only things that may stand out are those which are out of the norm; EX Car accident, cool license plate.
Your brain wants you to forget otherwise your head would be filled with thousands of hours of driving to and from common places. you can see it all over human history, even in your history classes. Someone once posed to me "why is it we use wars to mark history, doesn't that make us obsessed with war?" to which I replied "War is not the norm, so it stands out. Which to me says that humans are by nature orderly lazy beings". They didn't seem to care for this answer since it didn't fit their ideology.
I was someone who would work very hard to not to as little as possible. I would volunteer, I would take bad jobs, because I felt it would get me somewhere. However, I did not realize that my bosses were working as little as possible to get by too. Recognizing which co-workers, people work hard isn't difficult but figuring out what to do after that can be.
Hard work in a group of lazy workers (as in the case of one of my friends) simply gets you sneers and called names behind your back. You are the pot stirrer the person who wants things to be better ,when what everyone else wants is for it to stay the same, so they do not have to change. In this kind of environment the laziness of the masses has destroyed the work place so badly that only those people who use the system get ahead.
My recommendation: Get out of dodge and go somewhere where your hard work will be appreciated.
Real world use: Recognize how little it takes to do your job and the jobs of everyone else around you and do it a little better. You will shine like the sun.
Mess up this Movie: 101 Dalmations
A wife finds that she is dying of a very bad illness. Forgetting her husband and child she leaves and moves in with her next door neighbor. He feeds her a steak and she immediately gets better. The husband comes to find her and she says shes not going to leave. He reminds her of her son and she starts to try because now she has to eat Dalmatian meat to stay alive. The Husband then goes on a quest to save his wife.
New title: 101 Dalmatians save a life
New title: 101 Dalmatians save a life
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Reasonable Phone Call
Phone rings
Nick: Hello
ATT rep: Hi this is (%n) from ATT, I was calling to see if you would be interested in bundling all of our services. You know its cheaper to bundle then to have all of them separately?
Nick: Actually we used to have lots of ATT products but we are currently getting rid of them.
ATT rep: Really why is that?
Nick: Well why don't you take me through what you can bundle and I will tell you weather or not we can do it?
ATT rep: Ok we have our phone service...
Nick: Stop right there, we had ATT for years but now it doesnt work in our house and whats the point if I can't make calls in my own home?
ATT rep: Thats understandable....
Nick: What else you got?
ATT rep: We have our cable service...
Nick: we had that too, turns out in order for you to come turn it on in our new house its going to take 3 weeks. I cant have that, so we got rid of it.
ATT rep: Wow really 3 weeks..I understand that.
Nick: Anything else?
ATT rep: Well we also do internet...
Nick: We had internet till we got cox cable then they offered to bundle our internet too so we got rid of it.
Att rep: Have a nice day sir.
Rep hangs up
Nick: Hello
ATT rep: Hi this is (%n) from ATT, I was calling to see if you would be interested in bundling all of our services. You know its cheaper to bundle then to have all of them separately?
Nick: Actually we used to have lots of ATT products but we are currently getting rid of them.
ATT rep: Really why is that?
Nick: Well why don't you take me through what you can bundle and I will tell you weather or not we can do it?
ATT rep: Ok we have our phone service...
Nick: Stop right there, we had ATT for years but now it doesnt work in our house and whats the point if I can't make calls in my own home?
ATT rep: Thats understandable....
Nick: What else you got?
ATT rep: We have our cable service...
Nick: we had that too, turns out in order for you to come turn it on in our new house its going to take 3 weeks. I cant have that, so we got rid of it.
ATT rep: Wow really 3 weeks..I understand that.
Nick: Anything else?
ATT rep: Well we also do internet...
Nick: We had internet till we got cox cable then they offered to bundle our internet too so we got rid of it.
Att rep: Have a nice day sir.
Rep hangs up
A call to remember....
8:30pm eating dinner
Phone rings
Nick: Hello
Phone person: Hello im %n, from helping hand with the blind wondering if you have anything you can donate to the blind?
Nick, puts down dinner : Why do the blind need my old cloths is it because they cant see what they look like?
Phone person taken aback : Well no..
---interupts---
Nick: Infact why cant they get jobs to pay for their own cloths? Are you blind? A blind person can make phone calls right?
Phone person stuttering : Well you see....
--interupts---
Nick: you know what? If you hate the blind so much that you wont give them a job I do not wish to speak with you. Good day.
Hangs up phone
Goes back to eating dinner
Phone rings
Nick: Hello
Phone person: Hello im %n, from helping hand with the blind wondering if you have anything you can donate to the blind?
Nick, puts down dinner : Why do the blind need my old cloths is it because they cant see what they look like?
Phone person taken aback : Well no..
---interupts---
Nick: Infact why cant they get jobs to pay for their own cloths? Are you blind? A blind person can make phone calls right?
Phone person stuttering : Well you see....
--interupts---
Nick: you know what? If you hate the blind so much that you wont give them a job I do not wish to speak with you. Good day.
Hangs up phone
Goes back to eating dinner
World Famous Jungle Cruise
Random Family Member: Hey Nick, lets go on Jungle Cruise
Nick: You mean "The World Famous Jungle Cruise"?
Family Member: Why do you always correct us when we say it wrong?
Nick: Why is the sky blue?
Family Member: /sigh
Nick: You mean "The World Famous Jungle Cruise"?
Family Member: Why do you always correct us when we say it wrong?
Nick: Why is the sky blue?
Family Member: /sigh
A drive in the sun
Nick: woo its cold outside today
Wife: The sun is really warm
Nick: Really, the sun is warm?
Wife: I hate you
Wife: The sun is really warm
Nick: Really, the sun is warm?
Wife: I hate you
It puts the lotion on it skin
Wife: Can you please give your son a bath and put him in pajamas?
Nick: Sure
---Washes son---
Nick: Is there anything I have to do before putting him in pajamas?
Wife: Put lotion on him so he doesn't dry out.
Nick:ok
---starts putting lotion on son---
Nick: singing "im looking down the hole you're looking up at me, you're cold and tired, that is easy to see....."
Wife: yelling from downstairs: are you singing "it puts the lotion on its skin by greenskeeper?"
Nick: Yes
Wife: Wow!!
Nick: Sure
---Washes son---
Nick: Is there anything I have to do before putting him in pajamas?
Wife: Put lotion on him so he doesn't dry out.
Nick:ok
---starts putting lotion on son---
Nick: singing "im looking down the hole you're looking up at me, you're cold and tired, that is easy to see....."
Wife: yelling from downstairs: are you singing "it puts the lotion on its skin by greenskeeper?"
Nick: Yes
Wife: Wow!!
Lets ride Haunted!!
At Disneyland....
Nick: What should we go on next?
Wife: Lets go on haunted!!!!
Nick: What the fuck is "Haunted"?
Wife: You know, the Haunted Mansion.
Nick: If you are going to shorten it, proper Disney nomenclature says that its "Mansion".
Wife: Whatever..
8 years Later
Nick: What should we go on next?
Wife: Lets go on Haunted!!!!
Nick: >.<
Nick: What should we go on next?
Wife: Lets go on haunted!!!!
Nick: What the fuck is "Haunted"?
Wife: You know, the Haunted Mansion.
Nick: If you are going to shorten it, proper Disney nomenclature says that its "Mansion".
Wife: Whatever..
8 years Later
Nick: What should we go on next?
Wife: Lets go on Haunted!!!!
Nick: >.<
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Call about...Explorers
Phone rings....
Nick: Hey
Mother: Hey, whats that movie with Ethan Hawk and he goes to space as a boy, wak wak.
Nick: Explorers, also staring River Phoenix.
Mother: Thanks
Phonecall ends..
Nick: Hey
Mother: Hey, whats that movie with Ethan Hawk and he goes to space as a boy, wak wak.
Nick: Explorers, also staring River Phoenix.
Mother: Thanks
Phonecall ends..
Call about....figureskating
Phonecall....
Nick: Hello
Mother: Are you watching figure skating?
Nick: Why would I be watching figure skating?
Mother: So you are not watching figure skating?
Nick: No. Why?
Mother: I wanted to know the name of the song they were skating to. but forget it, its over now.
Phonecall ends
Nick: Hello
Mother: Are you watching figure skating?
Nick: Why would I be watching figure skating?
Mother: So you are not watching figure skating?
Nick: No. Why?
Mother: I wanted to know the name of the song they were skating to. but forget it, its over now.
Phonecall ends
Moment in the morning
1am - Wife gets up to feed baby son
1:15am - Noobie(dog) has to readjust because Wife got up to feed baby son
1:20 am - Nick has to readjust noobie because noobie adjusted due to Wife getting up to feed baby son
1:21am - Wife yells at Nick for moving the dog because it makes it harder to feed baby son
4am - Wife enters the center of the bed giving baby son 30 percent of the space, her 30 percent of the space, Noobie 20 percent of the space, leaving Nick 10 percent
4:10am - Nick pushes Wife back to her side of the bed
4:10 +1 second - Wife yells at Nick to stop "being a bed/blanket hog" and wakes up the baby
4:10 +2 seconds - Wife yells at Nick for waking up the baby
4:30am - Wife using her nail stabs Nick in the back
5:30am - Wife complains that Nick caused her to get a bad nights sleep
5:31am - Nick leaves for work
Fruit
Wife to waitress: "What is the fruit?"
Nick to Friend: "its like a vegetable but sweeter"
Wife to Nick: I hate you
Nick to Friend: "its like a vegetable but sweeter"
Wife to Nick: I hate you
Superball the Gong
I want to create a faster than light drive and then when someone turns it on they say "Time to Superball the Gong" then a gong hit would sound.
Jabba Toll Booth
I went to pay the toll with a few dollars the other day (I was in a rental car) and the girl inside looked like Jabba the Hut.
Jabba: Innna puta gringa 4:25
Nick: Here you go (gives her 4.25)
Jabba: Wanta dah moole-rah? Wonkee chee sa crispa con Greedo?
Nick: I did pay you and I didnt kill Greedo
Jabba: Movalonga
Nick: Thanks
Jabba: Innna puta gringa 4:25
Nick: Here you go (gives her 4.25)
Jabba: Wanta dah moole-rah? Wonkee chee sa crispa con Greedo?
Nick: I did pay you and I didnt kill Greedo
Jabba: Movalonga
Nick: Thanks
One in a Million
Sometimes I stay up late at night thinking im a bad father. Then I realize that over thousands of years there have been millions of bad fathers and at least some of those kids came out all right. Heres to James being one in a million.
Important Words Should be Capitalized
My Wife Hates editing my documents because I Capitalize any word that I think is Important.
Diarrhea of the Mouth
Sometimes I have diarrhea of the mouth, I get started on a subject and just stream of conscientiousness, sometimes it comes out ok and sometimes, Bullfrog.
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