High Fives

- Nick and Wife high five. the Wifes hand is hurting. -
Wife: "oooowww"
Nick: "do you want me to make the pain go away?"
Wife: "No, you are just going to slap me somewhere else."
- Nick and Wife laugh -
Nick: "I was!!"
- Nick and Wife continue to laugh -

Security Door

Security door prices: 400 -2000
  - Nick to clerk -
Nick: "How much extra security does 1600 dollars get me?"
Clerk: "These ones look nicer."
Nick to Wife: "400 it is."

We got Weird

After the Weird Al Concert at the Orange County Fair
Nick: I cant believe to 10-year-old's next to me didn't sing at all.
Wife: I think you intimidated them.
Nick: How?
Wife: You knew every lyric to every song and you were singing as loud as you could.
Nick: Isn't that what Weird Al is about?
Wife: Only to you.
Nick: -shakes head- Kids today.

The Set-up

-Nick sets up "the Wife" for a joke which doesnt work.-
Nick: I said that to set you up to be clever.
Wife: You know I'm not clever.

Just calling to say everything is ok

-- Get a call from our loan company --
Machine voice " we would like to talk to you about your mortgage, press 1 to talk to a live representative"
-Nick presses 1-
Live rep - "Thank you for calling can you please give me the last 5 digits of your account number?"
Nick - "No, you called me. I do not have any information at my finger tips."
...

Live rep - "is the number you called from the number we have on file?"
Nick- " I think so , but I didn't call you, you called me"
Live Rep - "Whats your phone number?"
Nick - "Let me look it up, i do not have my house phone number memorized."
Live rep - " If its the number we have on file I don't need you to give it to me. Please give me a moment?"
Nick - "ok."
Live rep - "So i'm looking at your account and there doesn't appear to be anything wrong. You have plenty of time to make your next payment."
Nick - "ok"
Live rep - " Ill mark down that everything is ok"
Nick - "Thanks?"
Live rep - "you are welcome. Have a nice day"
--Phone hangs up--
Nick to himself "What the fuck was that about?"

Hey Bro

I went to a carwash today. A non-carwash employee works at the auto repair place thats next to the carwash. This employee comes up to me as I am telling the guy I want the 25 dollar wash.

Guy: Hey, you got some pits in your window. That will crack. You should get it fixed.
Nick: It happened last week, im not really worried about it.
Guy: Got full insurance coverage?
...

Nick: Yeah with AAA
Guy: They dont cover it. Tell you what ill do, 40 bucks Ill fix you up good.
Nick: No thanks, just here to get my car washed.
Guy: Alright bro.
--5 minutes goes by and im playing a fighting game in the lobby waiting for my car to get done. Im wearing headphones listening to a podcast---
--Guy walks up behind me and waits--
Guy: Hey man, you know I can fix those pits in your window for 25 bucks. Ill fix you up good.
Nick: /sigh. I said no and im not interested.
Guy: Ok bro.
--15 minutes goes by, I am now reading some signs around the carwash, still listening to a podcast.
Guy: So what are you doing today bro?
Nick: Buying some books and picking up my son.
Guy: What kind of books?
Nick: A few management books that I used to own and cant find.
Guy: Management huh, im going to school for management.
Nick: .......
Guy: Take care Bro